Much to my (occasional) chagrin, to this day my most popular blog post ever is A truth no one tells you: you will hate your dog sometimes (and it’s okay). My most common Google search terms that bring people to my site are “I hate my dog”. I am glad in a way, because the post has shown me how incredibly common those feelings of overwhelm and frustration are. Inevitably those people feel ashamed and alone about their feelings, and I’m so glad I was able to provide some comfort and empathy. But, it also makes me incredibly sad, because dogs are my whole life. My dogs, rescuing dogs, helping others with their dogs. And that’s something I think I failed to do in that post; provide tips to actually help. I think empathy and feeling less isolated are really valuable things, but so is actual concrete advice.
Because the thing is, it gets better. And the joy dogs bring to my life – even the dogs who cause me those moments of intense frustration – outweighs the frustration tenfold. So here it is, a follow up to that original post: how to survive puppyhood (without losing your mind).
Research in Advance
Research good dog training schools near you that offer puppy socialization classes. Reach out before you get your puppy (if possible – sometimes we end up with rescues or surprise puppies, but do your best). Sometimes good dog training schools have a wait list and it is critical to get your puppy started on the right foot as early as possible. A dog’s key socialization period is between roughly 3 – 12 weeks of age, and so having a good class lined up for that period is a huge bonus. If a class near you isn’t an option (whether due to the pandemic, your location, etc.), don’t panic! You can do it on your own. Get some good books – I like The Perfect Puppy in 7 Days by Dr. Sophia Yin and Patricia McConnell’s Puppy Primer – and read them before your puppy arrives. Forewarned is forearmed, and all that. Building on that, research pet friendly shops and places near you.
Prepare in Advance
There are the obvious things to have ready – a dog bed (puppies are notorious chewers, so probably not an expensive one at this point), puppy food, food and water bowls, etc. A good leash – I like biothane because with normal fabric leashes puppies chew them and play tug with them, and biothane is a bit more durable and less chewable – and a harness; for puppies I just buy a cheap harness – they grow so quickly, why waste your money on an expensive one at this point.
Plan ahead for buying yourself quiet time/a break
This point is broken down into a two pronged approach: have a manageable puppy proofed area, and have lots and lots of enrichment/busy toys for puppy. For the first half of the equation, the puppy proofed area, this can be whatever works for you. A lot of people use a crate for this. I’m going to be honest: I’m not the biggest fan of a crate here. Crate training is a great skill for a dog to have, but crate training =/= every night/hours and hours a day in a crate, which is unfortunately how a lot of people do it. If you go the crate route, be sure you train your puppy to enjoy it in baby steps and, if you’re struggling, crate games is a great resource. I recommend getting the biggest crate you can if you go that route. Other options are puppy proofed areas with an ex-pen, baby gates, etc, etc, etc. Get creative. As long as puppy is safe and you have the ability to walk away and take a break, it is all good. A key point: Don’t feel guilty if you need a break. Put the puppy safely away with a busy treat (see below) and take a bath, have a cup of tea or a glass of wine, read your book. Prioritize self care. Just like with oxygen masks in an airplane, you can’t be your best for your puppy unless you take care of yourself first.
The second prong of this step is the enrichment/busy toys. These are things that keep your puppy busy for a time while you can walk away and not be interacting with them. Kongs are, of course, the most popular here. Unpopular opinion: Kongs aren’t my favourite. Not because they aren’t great – they are – but because that tiny opening they have means my dogs typically give up and can’t be bothered at working the food out. My guys do much better with something like West Paw’s Toppl toy which has a much bigger opening. I’ll put a photo of both here so you see what I mean.
You can stuff them with whatever your puppy likes – wet dog food, canned tuna, ground meat, even just kibble soaked and mixed with a bit of greek yogurt – and freeze them for extra mileage. I’ll attach Athena’s (as regular readers know, my beloved senior doberman who was a notoriously difficult puppy) favourite recipe below.
For your pup’s kibble/regular meals, if you’re feeling ambitious, using it for training or something like Kathy Sdao’s Smart50 is awesome. Heck, if you’re feeling really ambitious, pick up her book “Plenty in Life is Free: Reflections on Dogs, Training, and Finding Grace”. It’s wonderful. If you’re feeling lazy, instead of a bowl, try a Kong Wobbler or a Snuffle Mat (if you’re the crafty sort you can make your own!). All those little puzzle toys and brain games will help keep your puppy manageable; I promise.
Last pro-tip on this point: don’t want to spend a fortune on dog toys? You can freeze doggy treats in an ice cube tray and feed them that way, or soak a washcloth in water or chicken broth and freeze to let your puppy chew on and keep busy/soothe their sore gums while teething. Just make sure with a cloth you’re supervising – chewing is A-OK, ingesting is not.
Know When to Play (and When to Nap)
A big mistake I see a lot of puppy owners doing is over exercising their puppies. Yes, puppies need and love playtime, of course. And walks and exploring and all of that good stuff. But, often, if your puppy gets crazy zoomies and is way more bitey than normal and is just bonkers, instead of thinking “she must be bored”, think “she needs a nap”. First of all, we don’t need to train our dogs to be olympic athletes, and secondly, puppies often act out and get crazy and cranky when they’re overtired. Enforcing naptimes and teaching your dog to have that off switch will be a lifesaver.
Be Prepared for Mistakes
Your puppy will go pee in the house. They may dig where they shouldn’t in your garden. They might be sneaky enough to get a shoe to make into a chew toy. Deep breaths. It happens. Clean up the pee; supervise them when they’re in the yard and consider giving them their own safe digging spot, be more careful about putting your shoes away. There is no point in punishing your puppy or getting angry. Fix the mistake as best you can and move on. Which leads to my last point…
Keep the Faith
The hard work you’re putting in now will pay off a year from now. It gets better. They learn. Even if you’re frustrated and hate your dog or puppy right now, 99.9 times out of 100, a year from now they’re going to be your best friend and you won’t be able to imagine your life without them. The joy they bring you will vastly outweigh the frustration. I promise.
Happy Training! Give your pups a scratch or pet or kiss or “good boy” for me, and give yourself some slack. It’s all good. You’re doing great; I know it.
Final thoughts: when I say “puppy” you can swap in any dog. A lot of this is most prevalent in puppies, but new rescues, adolescent dogs, whatever. The same general concepts apply. Also, some links in this post are affiliate links, but I promise you I wouldn’t be linking them if I didn’t personally use and love them.
Thanks for your time. I Google I hate having a dog a lot. I always felt I was bad but couldn’t help it. We can’t even take a vacation without the dog. He has been VERY expensive. He sheds like crazy and I love a clean hair free house. He sometimes steps in his poop and there will be poop paw prints around the house. Things no one tells you when getting a dog. My husband has to take sleeping pills because the dog makes noise at night. The dog wakes us up. I can say so much more. There was a couple times that he scared away two different men from coming in through the back screen porch. So I try to focus on that but now we have an alarm so it’s still hard.
It *is* hard but it does get easier, especially if you put in the time training and working on your relationship with your dog now <3 I think focusing on the positives and the things your dog has done well (scaring away bad men!) is a great perspective to hold on to.
Thanks so much for this article. Like many others I came across your initial post after typing “I hate my dog sometimes” on google. I lost my temper today as my 5 month border collie just wouldn’t settle and was wreaking havoc in the house and kept trying to find things to do when I was trying to work on her “place” command. I hadn’t done it in a couple days and she was exercised with fetch and a good walk before it already but she couldn’t even stay still even for one minute. Even tried with help of a leash but she ended up biting the leash out of frustration. Anyways long story short I couldn’t handle it anymore so I put her in her crate which thankfully from positive association she goes in every time when I tell her to. I was going to angrily command in her in there but I fought my emotions so hard to not do that because it would only make things worse if she starts hating her crate. She’s lying in there now and to be honest a lot of this frustration on my part is the feeling that I’m not doing enough and that if I don’t sort out these sort of behaviours now it’s going to end a lot harder to fix in the future. I wasn’t in the best mood today because I had less sleep and I could feel my patience was already low when I started the day with her. I’ve also been kind of lazy with boundaries and letting her have more freedom when perhaps she’s not quite ready for that yet. It’s hard to balance. I always worry she’s not getting enough stimulation and maybe I’ve been over stimulating her by the amount of time we play and walk. I just want her to be able to settle around the house without me sending her to her crate every time to enforce naps or even just chilling. She just never stops otherwise. Anyway sorry rant over! I feel a lot better reading your articles and I will take better care of myself mentally so I can be best dog mum for my pup. I think I need to rethink my structure or lack of even. Also I’m probably worrying too much about what people think if I crate my dog 3 hours at a time after an hour or two of attention. Maybe that’s also why she thinks when she’s out the crate she needs to be doing something all the time? She isn’t the best on walks either as she’ll stop and become a statue every time she sees someone or a another animal. I’m worried that she’ll develop reactivity because the leash is stopping her getting to where she wants to go! The worrying never stops!!
My (youngest) dog is almost 10 months old and while I tell myself that it HAS to be better than it was when she was younger, I just don’t know how because life with her is pretty terrible. She pees when she’s nervous, she pees when she’s excited, she pees (and yelps) when she’s scared…and when she’s crated…and when I try to leash train her…or pretty much any time that she’s not allowed to run loose and pee all over the house. She won’t use the doggy door and hides and poops in the house. She’s so hard to love and I feel terrible because looking at the next 10-12 years with her, I can’t foresee a future where I’ll be excited about her. I’m trying to figure it all out and I keep reading that it’ll get better, but I am just beyond believing it.
On another note, my oldest (almost 4 year old) dog is a whiny, yapping, costly (skin allergies), clinging hot mess as well, but I’m starting to realize that she’s WAY less frustrating than her counterpart. I put the two of them out into our large, grassy, totally safe, fenced yard in beautiful weather with toys to play with and cold water to drink and they literally lean against the door and whine/bark almost non-stop to be let back in. I thought that the oldest would get better with a friend to spend time with when we weren’t available and she did, but neither is the dog of my dreams. I keep comparing them to my last dog, who was the best dog in the world and I won’t re-home them, but I sure wish that I had chosen pets that weren’t so neurotic and frustrating.